


Lonely

by TheDoctorAndRiversArmyOfPeppers



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-12-26 13:21:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12059832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDoctorAndRiversArmyOfPeppers/pseuds/TheDoctorAndRiversArmyOfPeppers
Summary: It had given him an idea. If she could do it, so could he.





	Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> The Wedding of River Song aired six years ago today, so happy anniversary to the Doctor and River!!! :)
> 
> (I wrote this quite a while before series ten.)

He'd lost her. He was going to get her back, but for the moment, he'd lost her.

The Doctor sat on the step in the control room and thought. He needed time to rescue his wife, but he missed her terribly. He wanted to see her again but knew he couldn't, when he had so selfishly used up all her days on Darillium. And he knew he couldn't 'bump into' her before that. She wasn't supposed to know about this old face then.

Or could he?

He remembered all the times River had broken the rules, going back to see all his old faces, only to wipe his memory of her before she left. He'd been given those memories back early on on Darillium, and he'd treasured them ever since.

It had given him an idea. If she could do it, so could he.

The Doctor already seemed happier, running around the console, pulling levers and pressing buttons. With a smile on his face, he landed his ship.

 

 

The TARDIS materialized outside River's cell at Stormcage.

River's beautiful face changed from a delighted, fond smile into a picture of confusion when he stepped out. But his hearts bled at the sight of her, lying in bed with her tired eyes and sleep mused hair. He stayed still for a moment, basking in her presence. He needed her now more than he ever had before, even just the smell of her was overwhelming.

It was weird that her being in the room with him made him notice her loss even more. It was like she was right in front of him, yet still unreachable. Nothing but a photograph, cut off from him in her prison of paper. He ached for her.

"Hi, honey. I'm home," he took a few steps forwards and wrapped his hands around the bars of her cell, gazing at her lovingly.

There was a pause. River gave the impression that she was about to cry, eyes wide and watering. She looked at him like he was an impossible dream, and he swallowed back his own tears.

"And what sort of time do you call this?" she asked finally, trying to force her lips into a smile.

"About time I paid a visit," he answered her.

He let himself into her cell and sat on the edge of her bed. She sat up, allowing the covers to fall from her as she tried to take in his new body. She liked it, she decided, but best not tell him that just yet. She liked his face and the way it was older and crosser, but still sweet and adoring. She loved his new, fluffy hair and his Scottish, gravely voice. She loved _him._

River hoped it really was him.

The sad thing was, it meant something horrible had happened to her young idiot. That thought put a nasty taste in her mouth, and she closed her eyes to try and get rid of it. She hoped that he was okay in the end, although she knew him too well to put any money on it. But she needed to know what happened all the same. She would kill anyone who'd made her love suffer.

"How did you... how...?" she trailed off, hands reaching out to cup his cheeks, her own wet with tears.

"How did I get a new face?" he asked, and River nodded. "I'll explain later."

River was about to protest, and he knew she wouldn't let it drop until he told her. So he put his hands either side of her face and pressed his lips to hers. Her mind telepathically reached out to his, seeking conformation that it was indeed him, and that the last him had indeed been alright. He let her into his thoughts with practised ease, and she began poking about. She found the proof she was looking for, only slightly distracted by his lips moving against hers.

It _was_ him! She was so pleased about that she surprised herself. The joy dropped with her hearts when she got to the memories of the regeneration, and of his time on Trensalore. She felt his loneliness and pain, but was glad that at least he'd lived to an old age, and died still fighting.

But whatever had happened to the old him, in that moment the Doctor was sitting in front of her on her bed, snogging her to death, and that was wonderful. She cut the connection to just enjoy the feeling of him on her.

She was smiling in heady bewilderment when he pulled back, and his besotted expression never left his face.

"I've missed you," the Doctor said, leaving a trail of breathless kisses from River's nose to her forehead.

"And so you should. We have fifteen minutes until a guard comes around that corner," she told him as she started undoing his shirt buttons.

"The TARDIS is just out there," the Doctor muttered, not really caring.

"We're already sitting on a bed, sweetie. Stop being boring," River reasoned, and the Doctor couldn't help but see her logic.

"That's okay, then," he said as he pulled River's camisole up and over her head.

He delighted in the way her hair bounced back into its place around her, like a particularly furry bush giving a big jump on a trampoline. It moved like it had a life of it's own. That's another thing he'd missed about her, it was an awfully long list.

He also had a long list of regrets. It was time he started working on that.

"River," he clasped her hands in his, forcing her to sit still and listen to him. "I've got something to say. Something important. Something I've never said enough to you."

"Go on," River frowned, obviously worried.

"I love you."

"I love you too," she replied a little too easily.

"No, not an 'I love you' that you just say, that you get just for being married. A proper one. I _love_ you. I know I haven't been the best of husbands, and that you're a far better woman than I've ever deserved, and I know how very lucky I am. So I need you to know I love you. I love everything about you, even the things you think I probably shouldn't. I've always loved you from the very beginning, and I always will right up until the very end. Utterly and totally. Never forget that."

River blinked through her tears, crashing her mouth onto his. Lust coursed through her body like a lightning bolt, she wanted him right there and then. Eyes tight shut, she blindly pushed his shirt, waistcoat, hoodie, and jacket off his shoulders in one movement. She pulled back for air, teeth lingering to bite at his swollen lip. Her hands ran along his bare chest, learning him all over again, and admiring his new skin. He wasn't a disappointment.

The Doctor untangled himself from his wife, and bent down to divest himself of his shoes and socks. Then he straightened up to pull his wife's leggings and pants off in one go, tossing them over his shoulder without a thought. River tackled with his belt, unbuckling it then undoing his trouser fly. She pulled his underwear out of the way, freeing his erection. Hungry eyes on him, River ran an admiring hand up and down his shaft. The Doctor hissed through his teeth at her touch.

The Doctor's hand searched her back for her bra fastening. Once he found it, he clumsily undid it, slightly distracted by her hand on him. Once the garment was removed, his mouth closed around her nipple, his tongue not-so-gently teasing it as he held it between his teeth. His other hand travelled from her side to her free breast, kneading it in his palm. Her own hand tightened around him in response, dragging a muffled moan from somewhere deep within him.

River released his length, using the hand to cup the back of his head instead.

The Doctor looked up from where he was sucking on her chest, eyebrows frowning unhappily. She felt a surge of fondness and couldn't resist bending down to leave a kiss on the top of his head. He kissed back on the skin of her breast, before freeing her of his mouth and straightening up.

"What the hell did you stop for?" he asked, annoyed but obviously besotted.

"What do you think?" and with that, River lent backwards, pulling him down with her. "I want you inside me. Now."

River pushed the Doctor's trousers and underwear down from around his thighs to his ankles with her feet. He kicked them off completely, then pulled the covers up to snugly cocoon them in warmth.

She hummed into his mouth as he kissed her, even more desperate this time, all teeth and tongue. His tongue and hers danced forcefully in their mouths, brushing against one another violently. The Doctor pulled back for breath as his caressing hand reached her cunt. River gasped as his fingers passed over her clit. He felt how wet she already was and smirked against her skin.

"Oh, get on with it!" she exclaimed, grinding against his hand.

The Doctor slid his aching cock into her, and her head rolled back against the thin pillow from pure ecstasy. He pulled out of her so far he nearly left her warmth entirely, then pushed back inside. She met him eagerly, and their combined cries of pleasure echoed down the empty corridors of Stormcage.

River's legs wrapped around his waist, and the heels of her feet pushed his arse down into her. The Doctor crashed his lips against hers for yet another kiss, drowning her cries and cursing as he sped up his motions.

River came first, triggering his own release. Once the tidal wave of pleasure had passed, he flopped down on top of her, breathing ragged. She ran her fingers through his hair as her own breathing calmed. After a short while, he rolled off of her, and she pulled the blanket up tighter around them.

"I like your new voice," she rasped hoarsely. "The body's not that bad either."

"Thank you," he replied, throat sounding equally well used, and smiled blissfully into her neck.

River's mind wandered back over the whole encounter, still flabbergasted that the Doctor had got himself new faces. But, on review, something stuck in her mind. He said he'd missed her. Why should he miss her? She began to worry.

"Do I know this face... in the future? Am I still there?"

The Doctor's hearts contracted. He tried desperately to not cry again, or let the tears show in his voice.

"Yes," he answered a little too late.

"Was that a lie?"

"No."

_"Doctor!"_

"Look... It's complicated and I'm working on it. But you will know this face for a long time, I promise," he tried to assure her, but she didn't look convinced. "Everything's just spoilers, you know, but I _promise_ it will all turn out alright."

She nodded and moved so she was lying on top of him. She rested her head comfortably on his bare chest, and his fingers found their way into her hair. His other hand rubbed gently up and down her back, occasionally stopping so his fingers could draw lazy circles on her skin. She relaxed into him contently. It wasn't long before she fell asleep.

The Doctor admired the beautiful, sleeping face he had missed so much. His hearts yearned for the older River, the one who'd lived through Darillium with him. The one with whom he could share all their stories. But he knew he had to wait a little longer. He was not yet ready to save her.

He considered taking this River with him. Maybe they could go on a few adventures together, and have more nights like the one they'd just had. But no. No, he couldn't do that. He'd never take her back to Stormcage. However hard this was going to be for him now, in the long run it was still the easiest.

So the Doctor reluctantly put his hands either side of River's face and wiped her memory of the night they'd just shared, leaving her with only the knowledge that he'd been there, but no images. She'd just assume it was Bowtie.

However, there was one thing he left clear in her mind. He knew it wasn't enough, that it would fade and tarnish in time, almost forgotten. But he left her with the feeling that she was loved by him, and that she always would be. He couldn't leave her not knowing that again.

The Doctor gently kissed the top of her head, handling her as if she were the most precious thing in the Universe. Because to him, that's exactly what she was. He manoeuvred himself from underneath her, placing her comfortably on the horrible mattress.

He got dressed himself before putting a nightie on his wife. It was one of the no-nonsense ones she didn't wear much when he was around, despite the fact he'd told her he'd always rather liked them.

The Doctor locked the cell door on his way out, and with great emotional strength, walked away from his beloved to his TARDIS.

His eyes lingered on River for probably a moment too long, before he shut his ship's doors and left.

He missed her already.

 

 

River woke up, alone in her cell, with a sore feeling down her legs. She noticed the state her bed was in, and her clothes were on the floor. She panicked for a second then realised, to her great relief, that she wasn't actually naked.

River flopped back down on the pillow as she tried to remember what happened the night before. She knew the Doctor had been there, but couldn't remember anything else. She couldn't even _picture_ him. She hated that.

River sighed, head lolling onto one side as she kept trying to remember.

But the memories never came.

 

 

The Doctor sat alone in his TARDIS once more. He was moping again, he knew that. He hated it but he couldn't stop. Visiting River was probably a bad idea. He felt better while he was with her, and for a few minutes after that. But then the absence of her crept back in and the loneliness he felt before came back with a vengeance. He felt so much worse.

The Doctor pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his shins, boots resting on the fabric of the chair. It was all he could do to not go rushing back into his wife's arms.

He buried his face in his knees and drew in a long breath. He blew out as he raised his head and the tears started to form around his eyes.

The Doctor couldn't go back and see her now. He couldn't go back only to leave again, and feel her absence yet more keenly. So he just sat and waited.

The Doctor would save her one day, and that day couldn't come soon enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. :)


End file.
